Foodfight! – Nostalgia Critic

Foodfight! – Nostalgia Critic

[Nostalgia Critic intro theme] [sad violin music] [light thud] [impassive] Honey, I’m home. [light switch clicks] Oh, I forgot, I’m not married. [light thud] [phone beeps] [phone message]
Tamara: Hey, Critic! Heard you’re gonna review Foodfight! Good luck to ya, man! I heard the Nazis would have
used it if they ran out of bullets. [beep] [phone message]
Malcolm: Critic, are you sure you want to review Foodfight? It’s the first movie to ever get a
negative percent on Rotten Tomatoes. [beep] [phone message]
Telemarketer: Hello, Nostalgia Critic.
This is the Irony Grocery store. We were hoping to indulge your nervous breakdown
by advertising a series of trigger products. Mr. Clean, Mrs. Buttersworth, and
Starkist Tuna are all on sale this week. Irony Grocery: A division of Threshold Entertainment.
Nostalgia Critic: [heavy breathing] [screaming] (Someone get help! NC is going nuts!) [loud crash] [screaming] [yelling] [grunting] [straining] [water running] [glass shattering] [labored breathing] [hyperventilating] [yelling] [metallic banging] [hysterical laughter] [mumbling] Wait! They want me to do that! [yelling and clanging] [sobbing] [sobbing louder] [phone beeping] What the hell is ”Foodfight!”? And why does everybody want me to review it? Malcolm: Well, according to our research,
”Foodfight!” is one of the worst, if not the worst, animated film of all time. Worst? Like, worst worst? Tamara: It only came out last year, but it seems to be growing an underground
following at a surprisingly rapid rate. If our data serves correctly, this flop
could be as popular as ”The Room” and ”Birdemic” combined. It could easily be the next big thing. [phone beeping rapidly] Only a few online critics have reviewed it so far, which means its potential can still be
milked like a lactating Clarabelle Cow. Wait a minute… So you’re saying that if I jump aboard the
bandwagon before it even becomes a bandwagon, I can be one of the frontrunners of the bandwagon? Potentially. [cha-ching] Well, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna be at the center of one of the most popular bad animated films of all time! Uh, I wouldn’t be too hopeful, Critic. Here’s a video of the last person
who tried to review this movie. [click] [indistinct voices] [loud crash] Nostalgia Critic: Oh, I’m sure he’s fine. Keep checking those numbers! It’s the least you can do to indulge
the brilliant intellectual minds I’ve decided to write for you all of a sudden. [computer beeping] [keyboard clicking] Well, it’s a little hard to talk about this piece
of shit without addressing its background. The film was supposed to be sort of the
“Wreck-It-Ralph” of food icons, combining copyrighted characters
often seen in grocery aisles. It was also supposed to come out in 2002. But due to production problems, copyright issues
and even somebody stealing the footage– Really? Somebody wanted to steal this? –the film was tinkered, altered and
pushed back to ten years later. But thank God ten years doesn’t make a
difference to such “Hollywood Giants” like Hilary Duff, Chris Kattan, Eva Longoria, and 24-7 dodger of controversy, Charlie Sheen. [cuckoo clock sound] [sarcasm] I’m sure all these people will be
just as big in 2012 as they were in 2002. Random Guy: [yelling] “You’ll be sorry!” There’s even reports that, apparently,
65 million dollars went into making this stinker. 65 MILLION DOLLARS?! Well… Maybe it’ll be like Waterworld where at the very least the size and scale of the production can be impressive. So, let’s find out by taking a look at
Foodfight! Old Lady: “Good night, Mr. Leonard.
Don’t work too late now.” Leonard: [slurred] “Just closing up.” “Nothing much happens around here after dark.” Nostalgia Critic: 65 million dollars, folks! Clearly, the money is on the screen. By God, look at this! How could that amount of money go
into something that’s so shitty looking?! W-was somebody actually deranged enough to team up Uwe Boll and Tommy Wiseau as this film’s budget accountants?! The money-laundering from this
must be a loophole blackhole! [cart rattling] So, we see a store closing down for
the night called “Marketropolis Market”– Redundant much, redundant? –when the real world opens up inside. ♪♪ I’m not exactly sure how this works… If the store actually transforms at night
or if Marketropolis is a…state of being, but this world exists and can only be described as what your nightmares would look like if they never rendered properly. “I am so excited to–!” [loud fart] “Uh-oh.” And at the foreground of this world is
Charlie Sheen’s character, Dex Dogtective. [screeching] Dex: “Hey, hairless hamsters! “Want some of this?” [screaming] “Uh-oh…” [high-pitched screeching] And I know what you’re thinking: “Boy, have the
Ratchet & Clank games really gone downhill!” But, actually, it’s just Dex saving a bunch of
kittens from a villain, that, like in most bad movies, won’t connect to anything else in the plot. “It is YOU, the great Dex Dogtective
who’s about to take a fall!” [evil laughter] Dex: “If I had a raisin for every time I heard that one…” Hey–what? “My mother would be so ashamed…” Dex: “Okay, it’s just you and me, Fat Cat.
Now fork over–” Wait a minute…what was that character’s name? “Listen up, Fat Cat Burglar!
I’m giving you one last chance–” Okay, first of all, Disney, sue something. Second, is the movie actually so stupid that it
can’t tell the difference between a rat and a cat?! I mean, look at that thing! It’s so fucking obviously a rat! 65 million dollars and they can’t even tell
the difference between a rat and a cat?! Isn’t it kind of a no-brainer you don’t give 65 million dollars to a person who would fail a
Fisher-Price Barnyard Animals game? [loud click] Toy: A kitty cat goes… Squeak, squeak! [imitating aristocrat] Give him all our money!
Clearly we’re dealing with artistic genius here! [cheerful] I pooped myself. Give him an extra grand for that. [dramatic music] So, the kittens are saved by McGruff the Crap Dog– For the record, I was also considering “Indiana Bones”… –and he heads on over to, what else?
His sassy black sidekick! Daredevil Dan: “Chill, dog.” “Who you think you talkin’ to?” “Relax, bro.” “Ooh, pizza!” “Yo, I told you, dog!” “Great idea!” “You my man…” ♪♪ As Wayne Brady as this…frightening
combination of teeth and fever dreams who gets excited when he learns that Dex
is going to ask his sweetheart to marry him. Who is his sweetheart? “I knew you’d find me!” [rapid tapping] WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? That…scariness is apparently Sunshine Goodness, played by Hilary Duff. A cat mascot for raisins created by a designer who clearly has to ask himself more
questions about his sexuality. “Hungry, tough guy?” Dex: “Hiya, Kitten.” “How about we get Chef Boyardee to
make us a HUGE feastamungus dinner?” And yes, I too realize that she looks much more
like a human and practically nothing like a cat. Are cats hard to draw? Did a cat snub you at a party so you refuse
to portray them on any form of film? The idea of them getting married gets Daredevil Dan
so touched that he cries…pellets… [crying softly] [whispers] I don’t know. But Sunshine has to head out
before Dex can pop the question. “Don’t worry, it’ll just be a minute.” “Save my ice cream, I’ll be right back, okay?” [kiss] Yeah…I’m just gonna put this on ya. We all know that’s pretty much what you’re saying. Sure enough, she does disappear and six months
later, Dex gives up the dogtective business and decides to open up a club called the “Copabanana”. While that’s going on, a sales person
played by Christopher Lloyd comes in and– WHAT THE HELL AM I LOOKING AT??????? “I’m your new Brand X representative!” “I wasn’t expecting any new products…” “Your…”
[stutters uncontrollably] “Customers…won’t know how they lived without Brand X…” Okay, this went from “submitting a stick
figure to an art museum” embarrassing to “shitting your pants in front of Pixar claiming it’s your magnum opus” embarrassing! …though we’ll see how that turns out, But what the fuck’s going on here?????? “Ohohoho… I’ll make space!” “It’s practically addicting…” “Survival of the fittest, LEONARD!” Was it really somebody’s dream to give a
personality to Mask #5 from The Dark Knight? W-would you trust a guy if he was selling
something and looked and acted liked this? [loud thud] “Good evening, Madame.” “Can I interest you in my product?” “It’s called, “Evil Poison Bites Death.” “Um…I’m sorry, that doesn’t seem
like a product I’d be interested in.” “Oh, come now. It’ll provide your business with the wholesome attractive image of Satan’s anus that it so desperately needs.” “I’m going to knee you in the crotch
if you don’t leave right now.” “That’s just what the Jehovah’s Witness said.” [yelps] “Be honest. I came on too strong, didn’t I?” [loud smack] So the grocery store owner, of course,
agrees to such a puppy dog-looking man and Brand X begins to be brought into the store. Back in “Sam and Max Hit the Sauce”, we see
Dex makes his way to “Casa de Cameo” which is the hangout for big name icons like
Mr. Clean, Charlie the Tuna and the California Raisins. The funny thing is that the people who obviously
said “no” to using their product icons in this movie all have really ugly, really bitter substitutes that, I guess, are trying to stick it back to the people
who denied the use of their image. Like, this is their version of Chiquita Banana. “Do I look like the Dairy Queen to you?” And this is obviously supposed to be the Keebler Elves. “I hate you!” “I’ll sue!” The Brawny Man. “Stop it!” “Stop it! No, that hurts!” And gee, a chocolate cereal vampire?
[sarcasm] I wonder who that’s supposed to be. “Chocolate vampire, used to have cards.” “Looking pretty good for biting it.” Most of them are portrayed as
either stupid, ugly, or not very helpful. It’s kind of like the movie’s way of saying “Oh, yeah, you missed out, guys!” “You too could have been in a movie where farting is
the highlight and people trip into other people’s butts.” I think we know who the losers are in this deal! [loud fart] Give them another grand. And I guess the representative of
Brand X in this world is Lady X. A supposedly sexy seductress with the
dead lifeless eyes of a plastic blow-up doll and a personality just as interesting to match. “Of all the produce bars in all
the supermarkets in all the world… “she had to walk into mine.” Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention, every scene
that has Dex in it has to end in a bad pun. And I know what you’re thinking, “Oh, Nostalgia Critic, you say ‘every’ about everything!” But no, literally! Every scene ends with a bad pun! “Time to banana split outta my club!” “My problems are just a hill of coffee beans.” “Let’s snap, crackle and pop out of here.” “How the Ho-hos can this be happening?!” “I don’t know if I can cut the mustard!” “I’ve got a bone to pick with this guy.” “Holy chips!” “It sure does a body good.” Some of them don’t even make a lick of sense! “Let’s strawberry jam out of here!” And the only thing more demeaning
than that is all the sexual innuendos. Oh, yeah, there’s a ton of those in this, too. Lady X: “I wanna scrub your bubbles, Dex.” “It warms my heart the way you love my raisins.” “She’s got a real sweet tooth for chocolate!” “You already eat through to his hollow center?” “Are those melons real?” Dex: “There are some stains you can never wash out.” “Dan’s your man! Melts in your mouth, not in your hand!” [sarcasm] Because a movie like this CLEARLY needs that adult edge for the audience they’re obviously going for. “What can I say… “Chicks dig chocolate.” Like there’s some grown-up somewhere
watching this movie with their kids, saying “Hmm…well, I was going to turn this off and
not expose my child to such a piece of sh*it, “but then it acknowledged I’m a pervert
in a way that my kid won’t understand. “This movie gets me.” The innuendos are so many and so strange, you have to wonder if the director had some
sort of other sexual agenda on his mind– “Crying over spilt milk?” THIS IS A FETISH FILM! Between the innuendos, the cat lady and the fact that every outfit this woman
wears even a dominatrix would say is too silly… [loud thud] And by the way, plaid gloves? Really? The design is so weird that it creates the
illusion that her hands are on backwards. On top of that, it looks like her arm
is melting into Al Borland’s shirt. Is this actually a popular thing and I just never noticed? “You’ve been through the wash plenty.
I can see it in your eyes.” So, Dex starts to notice something
along with stereotype #20 here. “Are you sayin’ what I dinks yous is sayin’?” [imitating a mob gangster] “Hey, what’s
yous Italians gettings upsets aboutses?” That being that Lady X is starting
to rub out the other characters. “Oh, you have to help me, Dex, before I go bald! “Not that bald isn’t beautiful!” Dex: “I don’t…get involved.” Really? Mr. Clean showed up just for that ONE joke? He wasn’t even around in the rest of the scene and suddenly he appears when they said the word “bald”. And…now he’s just stuck there. Look at him! He’s just standing around like, “Uh…is there anything else you wanted me to do…?” “Was I really just a pawn in your
lame-ass little punchline?” “I have a Ph.D. in physics! Perhaps I could educate the young children
watching about fluid or solid mechanics or… …or I’ll just look over here…” “Yeah, I’m sure I’ll show up when
you make another boob joke. Shouldn’t take long…” So, Dex decides it’s time to go get
some answers from the street. “Everybody seems to be searching for–” Oh, my God, his dick’s talking! His dick’s talking! That’s it!
GAME OVER, MAN! GAME OVER! “Mayhaps a reward for the reckless rodent?” Tell me you wouldn’t be shocked
if they went that direction! “But this dish is extra spicy…” Yeah…something else you’ll notice
is the motion capture arm acting. I guess because the expressions
in this movie are…nonexistent, all the acting comes through how much the
characters awkwardly wave their arms. It’s like watching C-3PO have a seizure, but even he somehow would have more
expression on his face than these guys! “Not that bald isn’t beautiful!” [imitating C-3PO] “R2-D2, where are you?” So, Dex and Dan go to get some
answers from, you won’t believe this, another scary demon of Hell! “Brand X!” [speaking incoherently] GOD! [panicky speaking] “Doctor Pepper, doctor–!” “–anybody but-!”
Dex: “Doc! Doc! Doc!” I’m just going to close my eyes and pray it goes away… “BRAND X! Brand X!” [shouts] “DAYTIIIIIIIIME!!!” [miserably] No. It only got worse. “AAACHOOOO!” “Discontinued!” Well, at least they’re not pulling the ultimate insult
by giving him a stereotypical Jewish accent– “But it’s in the Expiration Station! And at the other end of the store! No, you’d never
make it there before the supermarket opens.” [shouts] “IT’S DAYTIIIIIIIIIIIIME!!!!!” Are there any other groups you’d like to insult? I mean, the human race is so vast and full of variety, I’m sure you can find the blackface
of every single person on the planet! In fact, why even focus on a group? Why not just show us ugliness in any shape or form? You’re good at that! Don’t even give a reason, just use it in this
scene where they now physically exist in the store, again, adding no continuity to
how the fuck this world works, and just throw in whatever terrible
ungodly thing comes out of your head– [dramatic music] WHAT!? WHAT!?? WHAT!!?? WHAT!!!?? WHAT!!!!?? WHAT!!!!??? WHAT!!!!????? WHAT!!!!!!????? WHAT!!!!!!!!!?????? OH MY GOD! I GET IT! I TOTALLY GET IT NOW! This movie is punishment for me to repent
all of the terrible things I’ve done in my life! Alright! If it’ll stop you from scaring
the living animal Jesus out of me, I’LL CONFESS! I’LL CONFESS!! I was the one who cancelled Firefly! I was the one who encouraged
Fred to be an online series! I was the one who told Taco Bell
to make a breakfast menu! I was the one who told John Travolta
how to pronounce Idina Menzel! I was the one getting rid of the
cartoons on Cartoon Network! Just take me out of this scene!!! Dan: “Batter up, Dog!” [dramatic music intensifies] [music ends] I think we need a break. Here’s some commercials. For the love of God, don’t make a movie out of them! So they come across a mascot who’s a
chocolate vampire for a chocolate cereal. CLEARLY this is supposed to be Captain Crunch. “I am the undead! Alright? The undead. No, you’re not dead, but you’re not exactly living, either. It’s sort of like being in summer school.” [laughs] “Oh, come on, that’s funny. Now that’s funny. Let’s not lose out senses of humor.” You have to have one before you can lose it. So, they decide to get all the brands together
to stop the evil Lady X and her Brand X army. But not before her head of the guards
tries to shut down the Coco Banana. “And unless you care to suffer a long cruel expiration… you will sing your allegiance to Brand X.” Oh, no! They got Tim Curry in on this too! Why, Tim? WHY? Nostalgia Critic: [imitating Tim Curry]
“I was seeing if I could do anything more
demeaning than saying ‘Ducks Rock!’ This is a very clear sign that I can.” [clapping] [monotone] “Brand X, Brand X, it’s simple and plain.” “Brand X, Brand X, it’s different but all the same.” But Dex comes in and starts
singing their triumphant song… [“La Marseillaise” plays] …The French national anthem. ♪ We are the USDA ♪ ♪ We fight for freedom everyday ♪ “Brand X, Brand X, it’s simple and plain…” ♪ We protect and proudly sell ourselves ♪ Gee, this scene looks familiar… In a way that unless you saw the original movie,
this would make absolutely no sense whatsoever. And it’s extremely unlikely any little
kid would have seen this movie, so this probably makes absolutely
no sense whatsoever. If you haven’t guessed it yet, they’re
clearly paying homage to Barb Wire. Look, I know it’s Pamela Anderson’s
greatest performance, but it’s unlikely most children have viewed its genius! ♪ Throughout all our land ♪ ♪ We proudly sell ourselves ♪ [applause] “Vive la France!” [cheers and applause] So, he comes back with a bigger army and
it looks like their battle has just begun. “Come and get me, baby.” “He’s on the roof! Get him!” [dramatic music] [yelling] Wow. Absolutely outstanding detail. Surely they must have asked Pixar to
do this breathtaking work of genius! Actually, they did, and after reading the script, not
only did they send this terrible animation as a joke but they also attached a handwritten note saying
“GO FUCK YOURSELVES!” signed by John Lasseter. But the director was so lazy, he used the clip anyway. [explosions] [splattering sounds] And wow, look at THIS amazingness! Surely they must have asked Dreamworks
to have this incredible work done! Actually, they did! And after they read the script, they
sent them this spit-in-the-face render while also sending out a picture of Spielberg, Katzenberg, and Geffen all mooning the camera and giving the finger. But again, the director was too lazy,
so he used the clip anyway. [splattering and yelling] Wow! Unbelievable! Wow! Surely, such epic magnitude must have
been asked to be done by Blue Sky Studios! Actually, they did! And they asked if they could
turn it into a horrible franchise. Don’t be shocked if you see this
coming soon to a theater near you. [loud spattering] Hey, look! There’s the Twinkie Guy! I’m sure he’s gonna do something really
big and really important coming up! After all, he is one of the biggest
characters on the poster, along with these other icons
you’ve barely seen in the movie! Hell, Dex and Sunshine are one-third of their size. Surely all of them are gonna get together and
do something huge in the movie’s climax! Like, say nothing… …pretty much do nothing… …and take a backseat to graphics worse
than the Money for Nothing video. And…Okay, a lot of you might be shouting,
“that’s phenomenal false advertising in a film that is absolutely nothing but advertising.” But this is incredibly common of even good films. Heck, I once a saw a Star Wars poster where
the main focus was the Mouse Droid, and we all know what a gigantic part he played, right? The movie would have been nothing without him. [explosion] “Run while you can, Dex Dogtective.” “For soon, I’ll having you sitting
up and begging for mercy.” “Xellbites, fly!” “Launch out of my vag! There’s enough
fetish fuel in this movie for everybody!” [explosions] Dan and the others try taking flight to stop her as Dan…is just doing stuff you don’t do on a airplane. It doesn’t connect to anything at all, it’s just…stuff. [planes buzzing] [humming] “M&M McChocolate…” Look… Here’s a 65 million dollar comedy. Perhaps you’d like to do something funny with it. So, Dex makes it to Lady X’s headquarters
and discovers–big fucking shock –that she was behind Sunshine’s
disappearance the whole time. “I’ll just leave you to it.” [yelping] “Raisins, Dex!” Sunshine gets her hands untied, throws a
raisin to Dex which he uses as a weapon, so he can untie the hands we
clearly just saw she untied herself. [squishing sound] “Oh!” [slurred] “Well, this isn’t very much fun, is it? I think I just wet myself. It feels rather nice…” [groan and heavy thud] [whispers] “I’m sorry, I thought you were–” “I’m here! We’re together!” “I never stopped believing in you, Dex.” Uh, did she go blind since the last time we saw her? I don’t think she’s looked at him
in the face once during this scene! “I never stopped believing in you, Dex.” “It is Dex, right? Unless Scooby-Doo took steroids and
somehow fought his speech impediment.” But the spastic 80’s rocker enters their world… Or…was he always part of the world, or is he SOMETIMES in their world and sometimes not, or…is this all just some sort of unique
punishment program they use in the Matrix? And the entire town decides
they have to bring him down. [loud crash] And now, finally we learn the big, disturbing, shocking twist! The villain of the movie the whole time was…
the villain of the movie. “So you built yourself a human
robot and recalled Sunshine, then you stole her essence
to make your elixir for Brand X?” “No. Just…no.” “All anyone ever wanted was that sweet Sunshine Goodness. “No one bought my beautifully genetically giant prunes!” “But…how did you get in and out of the store?
You’re an Ike!” “Perhaps if I do more ballerina twirls,
the answer will become clear!” “When you look like this, you can get them to do anything.” “But enough about me. Let’s kill you!” [sigh] So we partake in more sex puns… “Tell me something…are those melons real?” Some horrible CGI fighting… Sunshine: “You’re not so tough now!” [sarcasm] Look out! You almost convinced me
of the illusion of animation! And we quite literally have a catfight between
the two attractive women of the film. Sunshine: “The bimbo’s mine!” “Get ready, Lady, ’cause I’m going to
kick you where the sun don’t shine!” “And then, the hot furry chick kicks
the ass of the hot dominatrix, all while the men make wicked
funny jokes about her melons!” [snickering] “That’s so funny…” And then she gets turned into an ugly woman, proving once and for all that if you’re an ugly woman,
no good can come out of you! Oh, and there’s, uh…something having to do with Mr. Twinkie, Mr. Clean and a bunch of other products… but who cares? It’s done! It’s finished! My magnum opus for the Horny-Furry-S&M Cat Fight-Boxing-Fan Fiction Forum is finally completed! All I have to do is submit it.” [click] “OH NO! I just sent it to my big shot agent in Hollywood! I’M RUINED!” [beep beep] “Why the hell do they want 65 million dollars for it?” Dan: “Sunshine chip-slapped her back to ugly!” Sunshine: “Gross!” “All I ever really wanted was you!” “Well, you and world domination!” “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a spam.” You know what just hit me? This is the movie that turned Charlie Sheen insane. I mean, really think about it. The timelines add up. He constantly had to be called back for redos. And if you had to return to this
for ten fucking years in a row, wouldn’t it kinda make sense
that you would start talking like this? “It was epic! The run I was on made
Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards… all of them just look like droopy-eyed, armless children.” Good job, Foodfight! Good job! So, Sunshine agrees to marry Dex, a last-minute message is thrown in for no reason… Dex: “We saved each other,
because the secret is inside… inside all of us!” Whatever that means… And just when you think you’re allowed
to flee this cauldron of eye-rape, they decide there’s so much
more funny they need to get out! Sunshine: “I want to see what’s under that hat!” Dex: “I love you, Kitten!” ♪♪ Hilarious. So that was Foodfight!– Moose: “Yo, for a minute there, I almost felt a tear!” Frog King: “Why are you afraid
to express your emotions?” [crying] Charming. So that was Foodfight!– Penguin: “I’m warm! I’m warm!” “No…wait…” “Yeah…no, I’m still a little cold.” Nicely done. So that was Foodfight!– Lola: “You really cut the cheese on that–” SHUT UP! SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!!! Every second you speak is killing
something I used to love inside of me! Will you please just SHUT UP??!??! GOD!!! T-This is AWFUL! IT’S AWFUL! I’d much rather read the credits
like I’m reading a memoriam of poor people who dedicated
their lives to this horribleness! All adding up to shit! 65 MILLION DOLLARS OF SHIT! And you know what?
The price of the movie doesn’t matter. Okay, yeah, it does. A lot. But the point I’m trying to make is whether it
was made for 65 million dollars or just 65 dollars, there is NOTHING to be proud of in this movie. Everybody should be ashamed
for even acknowledging it exists. I feel like Beelzebub’s ball sack
just for drawing attention to it! The animation is the worst. They never look alive. The jokes are the worst. They never once get a laugh. The characters are the worst.
They’re all just stereotypes of stereotypes. The plot is the worst. It’s a joke. Literally. It’s all written as a joke, but
one with no good setup or punchline. It is one of the worst pieces of commercialized
dog shit I have ever seen in my entire life! And given the round-up of movies
I’ve done over the years, that’s saying a lot! In fact, I don’t think human hands could have made it. I think something much more horrendous and disrespectful had to pull its energy together and make something so awful. [creepy music] Oh my God… I just figured it out… The horrible CG animation… The awful stereotypes… The tremendously unfunny humor… The fact that everything in this movie
is despicably awkward and unnatural! MY GOD! I KNOW WHO DIRECTED THIS FILM! “Meesa need way more fart jokes!
Lotsa more fart jokes! Thissa gonna bea greata for the Foodfighta Twoa!” From Hell’s motherfucking heart, I stab at thee! [beep] [missile wooshing] [explosion] “Waits a minute..” [screaming and explosions] It is done. But the evil will never truly go away. This IS the worst animated film I have ever seen,
hands down, no comparison. Its scars are left deep inside of me. Why did I do it? For you. I did it for you. Because I know that I have seen the worst. I know that no other form of animation
will ever be worse than Foodfight! And because of that… I know for a fact that this film will forever
in the history books, always be seen as– Passé?! Malcolm: Yup! Since you started the review,
the movie’s popularity has already died out. But that was a fucking half-hour ago! Malcolm: Well, that’s practically
five years in Internet time. Tamara: Yes! People knew it was going to
be the next popular thing to mock… Malcolm: So they decided not to mock it at all. Wait…so the popularity of something can fade
even before it becomes popular? Malcolm: Mm-hmm. We call it the “Hipster Effect”. Knowing something is going to be ironically cool suddenly makes it traditionally cool. So to be ahead of the curve, they decided
to not even make it ironically cool. Hell, even thinking about it
probably cuts its lifespan in half. [sigh] So, you’re telling me that sitting through all this misery… the worst animated film of all time was– Malcolm: A complete waste of time. Sorry, buddy. And there’s nothing I can do about it? Malcolm: Not unless you want to somehow do
a review of the Attorney General of Crimea. She is on FIRE right now! [click] Tamara: Oh! She is adorable! Oh, I just want to eat her up! Oh, look! She smiled! She’s like the Jennifer Lawrence of warfare! Tamara: I just want to pinch her cheeks,
but I respect her. [grunting and smashing] [labored breathing] [yelling and clanging]] [sobbing] [sobbing continues] [Melancholic Music] To all those critics foolish enough to
think that they can review Foodfight!… I won’t lie to you about your chances. You have my sympathies. It will not leave you the same way it found you. Its scars run deep. If there is anyone out there damn insane
enough to try and take on this film… All I have to say is… Be strong… Be brave… [whispering] Beware… [Nostalgia Critic outro theme] Mr. Clipboard: “Survival of the fittest, LEONARD!”

21 thoughts on “Foodfight! – Nostalgia Critic

  1. The Fat Cat Burgler is called that because he burgles cats dumbass. They know the difference between a rat and a cat jesus christ.

  2. just gonna point this out: Dex is a furry. Sunshine is a neko. I know its been 5 years but this has been bugging me since day one

  3. I think that the rat is called "fat cat burgaler" because his basket was full of cats, so they call him "fat cat burgaler" because he steals cats

  4. "I know that no other form of animation will ever be worse than Foodfight!"

    Welp, I just found a movie with worse animation than Foodfight! It's called Trolland, go check it out if you don't believe me.

  5. Imagine seeing critic beat fucking syrup and twinkies while laughing and crying.If you stayed around you would probably see a burning building

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